Send These Guys to The Island

Here are 6 sports guys who should be sent away for good

Ray Lewis – Although it seems that most have drunk the Lewis Kool-Aid, fortunately there are still many of us who haven’t bought into his BS. Lewis is a guy who was involved in a brawl that left a man dead. He was initially charged with murder and later pleaded guilty to obstructing justice, owing to the fact he made evidence disappear and was unwilling, for a period, to be cooperative. Clearly he knows more than he was prepared to share with the authorities. Add to that the fact he has six children with four different women and is always quick to play the God card and he makes for a highly annoying, hypocritical sack of crap. Ban him to an island, any island.

Ben Roethlisberger – The quarterback of the Steelers was always portrayed as Mr. hardworking, lunch bucket, just one of the guys guy. Then came an allegation of rape, and then another. Soon other stories of generally obnoxious, I am so entitled behaviour went public. While rape charges weren’t pursued because of a lack of evidence, there was a degree of believability in the accounts of the accusers, particularly the intoxicated girl who had the misfortune of ending up in a club bathroom with ‘Big Ben’. The story sounded a lot like a big time celebrity athlete slowly but surely imposing himself on a female because he can’t wrap his head around the fact that someone might not actually want to be with his loathsome self. Of course, once these things were all out in the open he was quick to wrap himself in religious counseling and bible reading. Smart guy, people will fall for that every time. Just because he’s reading the bible (let’s assume he actually was) doesn’t mean he wasn’t and isn’t an asshole. We’ve got a coconut tree reserved for you to make your new home out of.

Floyd Mayweather – Here’s a guy that seemingly has so much going his way: loads of skill in the boxing ring, championship belts, reserves of money in the bank most people couldn’t spend in 20 lifetimes as well as 4 healthy children. However, he seems intent on ruining everything life has given him by being the biggest jerkoff he can possibly be. Mayweather has been arrested a number of times since 2002 for various assault charges in incidents ranging from bar fights to domestic abuse situations. These culminated in his being sentenced to and serving 6 months in jail for the latest domestic episode. At the same time he was facing another misdemeanor harassment charge to which he plead no contest. Add to his legal problems his penchant for gambling enormous amounts of money (which he can currently afford) and an abrasive, arrogant and obnoxious personality which endears him to absolutely no one, and you have someone who should be exiled to somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean immediately.

Alex Rodriguez – Never the most likable guy, he’s become less so as his usage of steroids has become public. He’s always had an air of arrogance about him to go along with his seeming lack of genuineness. To his credit he did answer the charges of PED use when they came out, but his explanations and answers sounded rehearsed and clichéd. He definitely sounded sorry to have gotten caught and little else. The latest accusations of steroid use from 2009 on, challenges his credibility on anything, given that he’s already been caught lying. A-Rod, please just go away already.

Lance Armstrong – Most everyone knows this guy’s story. Diagnosed with cancer in 1996, he recovered and was back on the bike in serious training by 1998. He won seven straight Tour de France races, starting in 1999. Whispers of steroid use started as soon as he started winning the Tour. The accusations grew louder as the years passed. Armstrong always vehemently denied all charges, going to great lengths to discredit anyone who made any claims against him. This included calling a former team massage therapist an ‘alcoholic prostitute’, referring to former teammates Frankie Andreu’s wife, Betsy as a ‘fat, crazy bitch’ paying people to hide positive drug tests as well as threatening to ruin anyone’s career and life if they ever spoke out about what they knew about his cheating. As more and more information became known over the years, Armstrong was eventually backed into a corner. During an interview with Oprah Winfrey this past January, he admitted to using PEDs during his long winning run. However, he admitted to cheating only until 2005, after which the statute of limitations would not yet have expired on any illegalities he may have committed, including lying while testifying under oath before a U.S. Grand Jury. Armstrong was also selective about his ‘truth-telling’, choosing not to address some issues Oprah questioned him about, angering several of victims all over again. Lance certainly qualifies for a spot on a small patch of land very, very far away as well as the liars’ hall of fame. How do you spell ‘psychopath’. L-A-N-C-E.

Jeffrey Loria – The owner of the Miami Marlins would have to be one of the least popular in all of sports. Probably ever. Loria has a habit of having people in place who seem to be able to field a competitive team, only to tear it apart after they do. In 2000 he bought a 24% stake in the Montreal Expos for $18M that became 94% after cash from the remaining owners did not materialize. His first order of business as the majority owner was to demand a new stadium be built for the team, using taxpayers’ money of course. When provincial and municipal governments balked, Loria sold the team for $120M to major league baseball and the Expos were moved to Washington, D.C. Loria then found himself in charge of the then Florida Marlins, presiding over the dismantling of the 2003 club that won the franchise’s second World Series. During his ownership he’s been criticized for refusing to spend enough money to field a competitive team. At the same time, Loria made the same demands he made in Montreal, while implying the team would not stay in Miami if they did not have a new stadium built for them. The stadium was finally built, almost completely with public money, and opened for the start of the 2011 season. Loria had promised, through the team’s spokesman, David Samson, to spend more money on team payroll, since revenue would presumably be higher in the new stadium. The season went the direction of Murphy’s Law, management gave up on the team by mid-season, and sold off all of the players making any serious money, including everyone they had signed as a free agent during the off season. Currently Loria is still owner of Miami’s baseball team, which is now worth an estimated $277M. He has a brand new $465M stadium, most of which he did not pay for, while the team won’t be anywhere near competitive any time in the near future, since the team is expected to have a much reduced payroll for the 2013 season and probably well beyond. Nice work if you can get it. Jeffrey Loria, you are banished!